July 2010
I've always figured
i’d be alone forever
cause no ones been able to capture my attention & then maintain it.
I think this was confirmed when i had my son at 19,
God didn’t want me to be completely alone for the rest of my life.
i appreciate that.
i have a theory...
a theory that when you’re always told you’ll amount to nothing
you start to believe it
& you kind of just give up.
i think i’ve given up on too much recently.
i think i’ve given up on myself.
i don’t blame myself though.
i think i deserve it.
lost.
it seems to be the only word to accurately describe how I’ve been feeling lately.
I’ve lost myself. I find myself existing almost as a shadow in my own life.
existing, not even living.
I haven’t felt alive recently.
not happy, not sad, not love, not pain.
numb, I guess you could say.
I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of things.
to feel again.
...
